pam keon vitale

Dear Eve –

I'm so glad to know that you and yours are safe. Each day we who are so much further removed expect to hear sad news about someone we care for but perhaps haven't been in contact with recently. I'm glad you're writing about what's been happening. Not only is it a helpful perspective for someone like me, but it will begin the healing process for you.

In times of disaster, it's so tempting to weigh the depth of our own pain against the depth of another's. Our pain most usually seems to come up short. Someone else will always have a deeper hurt. And so, we tend to rationalize, to deny our own sadness, fear, trauma.

Sometimes it helps to look not at those whose suffering seems greater, but to try to focus for moments on those whose suffering is less. If you can hold that perpective for a moment, it can help give validity to your own experience.

In truth however, it really doesn't matter how others are feeling, or how much more serious the assualt was for someone else. All that matters is what happened to you. Your community, your home, the place you felt safe, was assaulted by the deepest hatred. Things you knew to be true --- people don't steal commercial airplanes with other innocent people aboard and fly them into huge buildings on purpose -- are no longer true. Your sense of trust in the natural order of things has taken a terrible blow. It will take time to regain your sense of security, and your timeline is your own. It will be different, slightly from some and largely from others, but it will be different from every other person. And there is no shame in that. Give yourself time, talk as much as possible about how you're feeling. Keep writing. Cry. Exercise - people forget how important that is to do.... Be very, very nice to yourself. Buy flowers for yourself when they become available. Get a massage when you can. Indulge yourself. You're desire to write music will probably start to come back as you begin to feel a bit safer. You've been given a terrible, terrible fright. You need to comfort your self, just as you would comfort a small child. Don't try to talk yourself out of it. As you would to a child, say to yourself -- yes, that was a horrible thing. yes - it was really frightening. yes - of course you're still frightened. AND - yes, you are safe now. yes -- you may feel frightened for a while, but gradually you'll feel better and better, and you can take as much time as you need.......

And Eve - if you find it in your heart to feel compassion for the terrorists - let me know how you do it. I don't even feel motivated to try. You are in my thoughts.

Love p

[Pam Keon Vitale, my best friend from high school, whom I haven’t seen in more years than I can count]


	Dear Eve – I'm so glad to know that you and yours are safe. Each day we who are so much further removed expect to hear sad news about someone we care for but perhaps haven't been in contact with recently. I'm glad you're writing about what's been happening. Not only is it a helpful perspective for someone like me, but it will begin the healing process for you. In times of disaster, it's so tempting to weigh the depth of our own pain against the depth of another's. Our pain most usually seems to come up short. Someone else will always have a deeper hurt. And so, we tend to rationalize, to deny our own sadness, fear, trauma. Sometimes it helps to look not at those whose suffering seems greater, but to try to focus for moments on those whose suffering is less. If you can hold that perpective for a moment, it can help give validity to your own experience. In truth however, it really doesn't matter how others are feeling, or how much more serious the assualt was for someone else. All that matters is what happened to you. Your community, your home, the place you felt safe, was assaulted by the deepest hatred. Things you knew to be true --- people don't steal commercial airplanes with other innocent people aboard and fly them into huge buildings on purpose -- are no longer true. Your sense of trust in the natural order of things has taken a terrible blow. It will take time to regain your sense of security, and your timeline is your own. It will be different, slightly from some and largely from others, but it will be different from every other person. And there is no shame in that. Give yourself time, talk as much as possible about how you're feeling. Keep writing. Cry. Exercise - people forget how important that is to do.... Be very, very nice to yourself. Buy flowers for yourself when they become available. Get a massage when you can. Indulge yourself. You're desire to write music will probably start to come back as you begin to feel a bit safer. You've been given a terrible, terrible fright. You need to comfort your self, just as you would comfort a small child. Don't try to talk yourself out of it. As you would to a child, say to yourself -- yes, that was a horrible thing. yes - it was really frightening. yes - of course you're still frightened. AND - yes, you are safe now. yes -- you may feel frightened for a while, but gradually you'll feel better and better, and you can take as much time as you need....... And Eve - if you find it in your heart to feel compassion for the terrorists - let me know how you do it. I don't even feel motivated to try. You are in my thoughts. Love p [Pam Keon Vitale, my best friend from high school, whom I haven’t seen in more years than I can count]
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