I hope I am not barging into your life.
I read your lament and sorrow concerning the disaster of last week.
It is natural for anybody to feel as you do. I know, I have the same feelings and have cried many tears in the past 5 days. It is normal to feel helpless. Everybody does.
But, you have to go on with your life because the great gift that you have of making and composing music needs to be continued for both yourself and for the people of the world. I can't compose music or even play a musical instrument. I am what you may categorize as a "listener", and as a listener who is a member of a vast majority of other "listeners" depend on the music makers of the world to get us through life whether it be during good times or bad times.
So, try to see all the good that there is in the world. We can't allow the negativeness that sometimes injects itself into our lives to take our lives over. Sure there have been errors in the past, like the Crusade and such. The same organizations resposible for the Crusades have totally changed and are actually now they are teaching tolerance and love for all.
We are all human, with many faults and many weaknesses but we all strive to be good and try to be better people than we were. Just look back in history to see how in many ways we have raised ourselves to a much higher level of civilty. There are still many instances of the intolerant human condition (Ireland is one). But if the "good" people (like us) :o), keep our chins up and look for a positive side to humanity, we will overcome this tragedy.
[I don't think I have actually met Ed Gast. He is on my mailing list because he signed up at twistedtutu.com some time ago. Thank you, Ed.]